Get Real

OK, I'm not going to lie. I just typed up a smarmy entry and I realized that I was doing exactly what I promised myself I wouldn't do: write as if other people were reading. I have no idea how many people are reading this, but I made a commitment to do this for me - because it was living inside of me, something that I really wanted to do. But what I wasn't counting on was how to write from the heart when I was stricken with the flu and caring for 2 kids that had the flu, and going through some heavy-duty emotional stuff with 2 people that are important in my life (think mother and ex-husband) and dealing with all the other 'stuff' that happens during a busy day (dog barfing, molar crown chipping, etc.)

Emotionally, times have been tough for me lately. But during all of this turmoil, the biggest comfort has been my husband and my 3 little ones. The time I spend with them makes me feel so grateful for the love and abundance that I have in my life. As I write, the kids are at me feet, curled up in blankets, and my husband is sitting close by on the couch while we have our "family movie" - a tradition that each of us loves for different reasons. (I love it because of the buttered popcorn...not usually the movies) Tonight we're watching Santa Claus 3. I am looking forward to a season of snuggling up, seeing the joy of the holidays in my kids' faces, and spending quiet time with family and friends. That is feeding my spirit right now.

Thanks.

Tomorrow I've got a song headed your way - truly inspirational!

Inspirational Quote

Only from the heart
Can you touch the sky.
-Rumi

Giving Thanks

Hi All,

I wish you and yours a healthy, happy, holiday filled with love. We
will have all 5 kids over tomorrow so I am taking it easy today (with
the mini-flu) and lying on the couch with Andy, a movie, and buttered
popcorn. I have a lot of gratitude for my loved ones and all the
bounty I have in my life. I'll write more when I feel a little more
alive! Blessings...

Clean Up Time

Lately, I've been wondering how I'm doing in the Karmic Book of Life...I don't know if this book actually exists or not, but I've been thinking a lot about it. So many intense things have been happening 'to me' and I've been wondering what my part is in it. I've been feeling victimized but I'm not that ignorant to believe that things just happen to me without my participation...but I'm not sure how I'm participating and this has me perplexed. I love the phrase "Own Your Shit." I'm a big believer in that and I think people who know me would agree that I do this (if I'm aware of it - sometimes I'm unconscious of my "shit" and that's a different story...) Suffice it to say, I'm struggling right now and looking at my parts and wondering - without a whole lot of insight - which is a vulnerable feeling for me.

So today I was presented with a concrete opportunity to "clean up my shit" and I am so GRATEFUL for the obvious - thank you spirit, because subtlety is not my forte right now. My husband told me that the seal on our main floor toilet has broken and yucky, sewer water was seeping out on to the linoleum (gross!) He was less than enthusiastic about fixing it. But I tell ya, I jumped right on it! In minutes we were in the car, heading to the hardware store. I had it all figured out, I bought cheap rubber gloves I could throw away and I attacked that sewer water with gusto! Now it is late afternoon and the toilet is fixed and that bathroom is cleaner than I've ever seen it since I've lived here. I have no idea how I'm doing in the book of life, but it felt good to get in there and clean some s*@t up! Oh yeah!

ps - I just want to give props to my hubby and say that I LOVE living with somebody "handy!"

Hanging In There

Well, I'm not going to lie to you. The past few days have been one
crisis after the next - can't really go into details but one thing I
can say is that I have two kids home with the flu (diagnosed.) And
that's the easy part of the past 2 days. So, truth be told, I'm
feeling a wee bit uninspired. (and uninspiring.) Let's hope that
whoever is reading this, can take a tiny bit of strength from knowing
that life is usually not as bad as you might think it is. Today I
found gratitude in the fact that I wasn't being sentenced to prison
for 40 years - that would be a drag. I still have my health, my
family, my home...one daily e-mail subscription that I received today
said to think of life as a road trip and to notice the things passing
by. My response was, "Well, if I'm on a road trip, then I'm stuck in
traffic in Detroit right now." But I've never really been to
Detroit, so no offense, just fill in the blank of any nasty place
you've ever driven through...like Juarez or something...right at the
border where it's really seedy and dangerous and scary... Luckily,
I've got my seat belt on! Stay tuned for the next destination! hah

Kindness

Something that inspires me is kindness - kindness towards others. It's always amazing (and gratifying) to me to see family members dig deep and respond with kindness. My oldest step-daughter Sarah is a good example of this. She has her moods and off days but she has
always come back to kindness - always. And usually before me...

Today I was having a bad day - really a doozy - and I was unkind to a woman on the phone. She was telling me that I no longer had the amount of credit on a credit card that I had thought I had. She was telling me that she could understand how this could be unfortunate and inconvenient, but that she had no control over that. She really had no idea how inconvenient this was to me. So I thought I would just let her know...I told her that I thought she was 'evil' (oopsie...) and then I really showed her by hanging up on her.

Later this evening, a store clerk at the pharmacy was so kind and warm with me. She complemented me on my daughter's name and hoped that I was going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. She looked at me with eyes of love and I felt her kindness, the connection with this stranger, right in my heart. As I drove home, the little voice inside of me that is always right, was telling me to do something that made me wince a little. I knew that I had not behaved in a way that made me feel proud. I had taken my frustrations out on somebody who was just doing her job. When I got home, I picked up the phone, grabbed my credit card and dialed. I told the man my name and explained that I had spoken to a supervisor earlier that day and had "lost my temper and said some very unkind words and that I wanted to apologize." The man said in a very gentle voice, "Thank you Mrs. Smith, I will make a note of this on your account."

Beauty and the Beast

Here is a picture of my dog Ruby and our cat Smokey lounging. I just
caught them spooning on the couch, Ruby with her arm around Smokey.
I wish my camera had been handy! They are an unlikely pair - Smokey
as graceful and light as Ruby is clumsy and lumbering. Ruby has
bristly hair and smells bad, Smokey is soft as velvet and always
groomed. Sometimes Smokey will place his paw on Ruby's face and use
his claws to hold her down and give her a good licking. I think
Smokey feels sorry for Ruby that she is so stinky! That's just the
kind of cat Smokey is...very Ghandi-esque. My daughter Lili picked
him out at a pet shop (in the pet adoption center) for my step-
daugher Sophia's birthday present. And believe me, that was a very
Ghandi-esque thing to do. Lili's cat had died unexpectedly earlier
that year, and I was surprised that Lili was so adamant that she
wanted to get a pet for her little sister (and not herself.) I
reluctantly agreed to "take a look" at the cat. When I saw him in
his cage, and I looked in his eyes, something clicked. This was a
good cat. He had spent most of his life (6 months) in this cage.
All black, skinny-skinny, and so loving. We went home, Lili
presented her case to my husband, and the next day we went and
adopted him. He's the most loving cat I think I've ever lived with.
Everyone loves him. The kids go crazy for him; he sleeps on their
beds, lets them carry him around - really remarkable. Ruby and
Smokey - two complete opposites, yet best friends. Embodying
tolerance, love, and acceptance...