Whoa...

I just saw Michael Moore's documentary "Sicko" and I am moving to France! (or Cuba!) Geez...the United States is so messed up - it's really discouraging. The only thing inspiring is that we have people like Michael Moore who speak out about what is going on...

Andy thought the movie was 'hopeful' because at least there are good examples of free health care in other countries - but I feel a bit more pessimistic. The almighty dollar is a huge carrot for HMOs - and politicians, etc.

In my lifetime I hope I live to see a woman president, an African American woman president, gay marriage (equal rights for ALL,) and free health care, no more jails and peace on earth. Amen.

Do You Realize?

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

-Flaming Lips (click on 'Do You Realize' to hear the song - it's beautiful!)

On Christmas Eve the kids were decorating cookies and I was so bugged that they were getting multi-colored sprinkles everywhere! It was totally pissing me off!!! And then I got yanked back to reality. I remembered that there is a woman I know who has just recently been diagnosed with acute leukemia and has been in the hospital for the past month. She has no partner or children, no health insurance, and has to be separated from her beloved dog. It certainly gives me gratitude every time I think of her...

This morning I read in the paper that a woman I know (neighbor, casual friend, business acquaintance) died in her home last week. She is divorced and we used to commiserate together about how painful it is to be separated from our kids. She has a son in the 4th grade. My heart just breaks about the whole thing. One of my worst fears is dying while my kids are young and leaving them...so sad and shocking.

But here's the deal...like the Flaming Lips so rightfully say: "Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?" I treasure the people in my life and feel so blessed for their presence. xoxo

Community

I had the luxury of going to my favorite yoga class today - and the class was such a treat. I love this particular teacher for many reasons - her class never gets boring or routine and she shines love on everyone. I have had teachers come and go and it reminds me to have gratitude for the time we have together - however long (or short) it is...but I digress!

As Tunde (my teacher) sometimes does, she asked us to pick a word and set an intention for our practice. The word that came to mind was 'community.' The past 4+ years have been a whirlwind of divorce, falling in love, blending a family, attending to a family, my father's death, starting a business, closing a business, etc. When I finally opened my eyes this Fall I was surprised at how isolated I had become. In this time of stillness, I have been longing for connection with others and doing what I can to reconnect with loved ones and begin new friendships as well.

When I am really in my heart, I am out of my head - not self conscious and paralyzed. Today I had a great yoga practice and afterwards I thanked the woman next to me for sharing her practice with me (she said I had a "great flow" - uh huh, oh yeah.) But seriously, it was great to connect with a stranger! To just "reach out and touch somebody" you know? And then I met a relatively new friend for tea and we just hung out and I got to hear about her life, and I had the time to listen - such a gift. And yesterday I went over to my really cool neighbor's house and we sat in their handmade sauna and hung out. I loved it.

My dream - one of my ultimate dreams - is to buy land with other dear friends. We would all have our own home but there would also be communal space for performance/art/shared meals/music/dance, etc. And there would also be a barn with animals and a communal garden. I might build a straw bale house (once I learn more about that.) And live in community. That inspires me and I am going to keep allowing that to come alive. Thanks for listening...

The Best Things In Life Are Free

I've heard this expression my whole life, and I don't think I ever
knew what it meant - nor cared. Until this past year. After a few
really hard business experiences (in a row) I took such comfort from
my family. Having the kids around me, a cozy house, a loving
husband, a sweet dog. And we had an exceptionally long Fall season
this year, and the beauty of it pleased me deeply.

This holiday season has been rich - all the kids were at our house
for Christmas Eve and watching Christmas through a child's eyes is
priceless. Harlan woke up at 1:45am saying "I think I heard some
sleigh bells!" Love is the answer people - and it's free... Love
you. xoxo

Christmas Eve

Through the years, we all will be together,
if the fates allow...

All 7 of us are together tonight - and 4 of us have had major crying today (including me.) This is my first experience of a big family - something I always dreamed about as a girl. It is the hardest thing I've ever done - and the most heart opening. I love each one of them and am grateful that we are all together tonight. Perfectly imperfect.

Seeing The Light

The luminescent full moon is shining tonight. Offering light at the end of winter solstice. A tiny seed, deep down in the deepest part of my belly stirs. (No I'm not pregnant.) It just feels like deep down, an ancient part of me knows the days are getting longer - even while the cave woman in me gets so sleepy at night and can barely wake up at 7 in the dark morning.

Here's a beautiful piece I read about 'light' yesterday:

A Star Without A Name

When a baby is taken from the wet nurse,

it easily forgets her
and starts eating solid food.

Seeds feed awhile on ground,

then lift up into the sun.

So you should taste the filtered light

and work your way toward wisdom

with no personal covering.

That's how you came here, like a star

without a name. Move across the night sky

with those anonymous lights.

-Rumi

ps - I'm having a lot of technical difficulty with the font color command - very aggravating...