Oh Yeah, Uh Huh

Hello, hello! I'm back - I'm back on track. It's been 2 weeks since I was stricken with the flu and I went back to yoga today. I almost passed out and threw up, but I went!!! And that feels like a milestone - just to exercise again. And I meditated today, and I chanted. And you'll never believe it, but guess what? I felt more centered today - hah!

These past few weeks have been incredibly rich for me. I've been on a dark, mysterious journey of the soul - stuff with my mom, stuff with my children's father, stuff with my kids, my illness. It took me a while to start making sense of it and see it as a positive growth opportunity. But I am now. And that makes me feel so much more peaceful and safe. When I was in despair, and feeling all alone and afraid, I wasn't trusting in the process. I felt completely exposed and vulnerable. But I kept reaching out and chanting and trying to "let go and let god" - blindly.

I feel like I have swallowed the darkness, digested it, and made peace with it. I am a different person in just a few short weeks. I had some hard lessons to learn and my illness gave me the gift of time - time to just sit and allow (and cough) - and I see my parts. I see what I need to change. I am finding some humility where there used to be pride. I am finding strength where there used to be fear. I am finding forgiveness where there used to be shame. It was good medicine.